clemclem ([info]clemclem) wrote in [info]got_poetry,
.Peck Finch Mockingbird.
(rebirth of the egg and sky)

There are wing beats
and then there are WING BEATS,
you are both.

I hide you in trees
and see you in trees:
little black eyed glistens and a beak!

I used to have to kill spiders
but now I don’t have to kill spiders-
you eat them, don’t you?

Zebra mange-coat feather vein-
boo! I got you.
You no longer stripe the sky
because you flut about a cage,
sleep in a wicker basket.
One of your claws has detached,
I’ll have to let you die.

I keep the door closed
and the cat shut out-
The predators attic us.
Every second is an enemy as
I pretend I’m still a girl and
you lay tiny unfertilized eggs
while screaming at the sun.

When it happens you are still,
and still clenching your phantasmal claw
round a sanded pine bar.
I sprinkle you with kid tears and slivers of dill,
then comes the weight of the world.

ps-I hope the squirrels don’t scratch you up-
I should have sewn you into an egg
and buried you in the sky.





do tell, do tell my what you think.

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  • 5 comments

[info]loathsomelove

July 30 2005, 16:58:43 UTC 6 years ago

I don't know what you're getting at with the first stanza, but its okay. The second stanza is lame. I feel like I should say the same thing for the third stanza but I won't because some part of me likes it. Your 4th stanza is okay although it doesn't quite flow between "cage" and "sleep". I would also add a line break between "basket" and "One", I don't see the point of them being in the same stanza. The 5th stanza is lame but not as much as the 2nd one, I would adding better words and articulate yourself more. Nice words in the 6th stanza, but some work could be done to make it flow better, because reading it as is, is like a little choppy to me. Thanks for posting.

[info]clemclem

July 30 2005, 20:46:08 UTC 6 years ago

articulation

'i would adding better words'

Anonymous

July 31 2005, 02:17:41 UTC 6 years ago

Re: articulation

your poetry is awful.

[info]loathsomelove

July 31 2005, 03:12:27 UTC 6 years ago

Re: articulation

I agree, I just don't want to be mean

[info]clemclem

July 31 2005, 07:43:49 UTC 6 years ago

Re: articulation

oh, and who are you?
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